Watching People Drive is Frightening

Have you watched people drive lately?

(Photo from Digital Trends)

It's scary.

Last night as I sat in a restaurant I watched a young man driving, albeit very slowly through a parking lot, while reading his phone.

I thought about how he could easy run over a child and do irreparable damage.

After the restaurant we walked over to our child's school fundraiser. While waiting for the light to turn I saw a young woman reading her phone while waiting for the light. When the light changed as she turned I stared her down and mouthed put your phone down.

Yesterday, I also saw a grown woman in a big suburban (probably the most lethal combo in America) driving with one hand and the other hand wrapped tightly around her phone.

I don't write too much about people using their phones because AT&T has done a great job at launching an anti-texting PSA and I'm just like duh, stop using your phones  assholes, I mean people.

But clearly something is not connecting.

Observe people the next time you are out walking or a passenger in a car.

It's frightening.

Do we really have such disdain for life that we risk it daily? Where is our empathy? Do we only care about people who die from cancer? Not from car crashes?

Stop touching your phone while you drive.

Stroke yourself if you really want to touch something while driving. It might be safer. I don't know. There probably aren't stats on that. Hold on I have to Google that now.

No, no data on that.

Sick statistics I came across say that 1 out of 4 people fucking surf the internet while driving.

Come on.

A plane crashed yesterday, yes it's awful. It's scary and I feel terrible for all on board. But every day around 110 Americans die in car crashes. Why aren't we horrified?

Introducing David Little, Fix The Toaster's Newest Contributor

I was so excited a few weeks ago when David Little emailed me saying he would be interested in contributing to Fix The Toaster.

Another voice and perspective.

David is a husband and father of three kids.

He lives in Alabama with his family and was in a horrible crash in 2008. The crash has led him to become an advocate for safe driving.

The driver that hit him and his whole family, was driving distracted.

A 100% avoidable crash.

It's hard to read about the crash but it's important. I have many questions for him and I look forward to getting to know him better and letting his voice be heard here on Fix The Toaster.

Here is David's writing about his crash. I copied and pasted it, with his permission via his personal blog.

Ripple Effect

Posted on December 21, 2013by iamdavidlittle

Tossing even the smallest stone into a small pond causes multiple ripples that at first are very big, but soon multiply, decrease in size but still disturb the entire pond. Soon, the first ripples reach the sides of the pond and reverberate back onto the newer ripples.  All because of that one stone, the tranquil setting of the peaceful pond has been drastically altered.

The stone hitting the water is an appropriate metaphor for a car crash that my family was involved in on December 20, 2008 that was caused by a distracted driver. But what happened after the stone hit the water?  The far reaching ripples, the other parts of our story that go largely over looked and need to be shared.  Who else was affected beyond our immediate family?  The friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members all because of that one small stone, that one single moment of inattention.

No sooner had our car quit moving after the collision, had my wife Mimi, jumped out of her seat and grabbed our children, whisking them away quickly.  Her initial fear was the car catching fire.  She had no idea what would be below her feet when jumped out. A bridge? A ditch? Wet ground, mud? Pavement?  Her instinct was to get the kids and run, and that’s what she did, to where I had no clue.  No one talked.  The kids didn’t say anything.  Mimi didn’t say anything.  Those first seconds were silent.

Initially she had the kids stand by a large tree.  Telling our oldest child Caroline, who was 7 at the time, to watch her sister Layne who was 5 and her brother Grey who was 2, and to not move from that spot. It’s one of the few times all three of our kids minded their Mama.

Mimi came back to check on me and was in near hysterics, and since I couldn’t see myself, her descriptions of how I looked, folded up between my seat and dash, are all I have.  I had a broken nose and was bleeding pretty badly.  I was spitting blood out of my mouth; I had blood all over my face, my ears, all over my shirt, and she was certain I had an internal injury that would cause me to bleed out and die in front of her.  I told her however, “I am fine, I’m ok.  I’m just stuck”.  Her tearful near hysterical response was, “You’re not ok”!!  Thanks to a healthy dose of adrenaline I really wasn’t in much pain, other than the discomfort of my position.

By now a family at a nearby house who heard the commotion gathered and sat with our kids on their front porch.  Some of the first strangers who would be affected by the ripples.

Between the rush of adrenaline, fear, shock, and uncertainty in those first moments, Mimi became nauseous.  Running between our vehicle to check on me and back to the kids, over and over, she was soon overcome and became ill.

When Mimi called my dad, the first ripple to reach a family member, he initially thought I was dead.  In her panicked state of mind, it was too difficult to put into words what had happened. Thankfully, she was able to convey the message, and he understood that we had been in a crash and that I was injured.   My parents, in Huntsville, loaded up to come to us.  My dad was driving and was trying to figure out the quickest way to get to the crash scene, which was about 15 miles away in a neighboring county. My mom, ever the level headed one, told him to go to the hospital.  That was where we would be heading and they would meet us there.

Keith C., our first Good Samaritan, and there were many that night, was the first to my side.  He helped me try to convince Mimi that I was ok, of course to no avail. The ripples had reached another stranger.  Keith remained by my side for nearly the entire time we waited for emergency responders to arrive. Keith offered continual reassurances that help was on the way.  The initial surge of adrenaline was wearing off and I was beginning to hurt and was having trouble breathing.  Keith would  add a small burden to his life through all of this.  I had hunting gear in the back of my car.  I had recently been duck hunting and my jackets, back pack, waders, etc.  were all in the back of my now totaled car.  He collected everything and brought them to Huntsville for us.

My children watched as I was cut from our vehicle with the Jaws of Life and placed on a backboard and then a gurney.   I have watched a few crash re-enactments over the past few years and it is very difficult for me.  The hardest part to watch was the time before emergency crews arrived. I can only imagine what it was like for my kids.  The sounds and smells of diesel engines, the flashing lights, ambulances, police cars, fire trucks and their mother frantically running back and forth from them to me.

As I was loaded into the ambulance, the paramedics asked Mimi if she wanted to ride with me or the kids, who were ok, but needed to be evaluated at the Hospital.  She had no time to choose between riding with them to the Women’s and Children’s Hospital to the main Hospital with me. They didn’t want to ride in an ambulance anyway, so my brother and sister and law, who we had just arrived at the scene and thankfully offered to transport the kids so that Mimi could ride with me, still the ripples spread.

Unfortunately the weather that night wasn’t conducive for a med flight helicopter to come get me.  I would endure a very bumpy 15 mile ride to the hospital.  Mimi rode up front, and I could clearly hear her asking the driver if he could go faster.  She knew we had a long way to go and was still worried about internal injuries that I may have suffered.  The driver did his best and we got there pretty quickly for wet slick roads.

Soon, I was laying in the emergency room, my family had arrived, and things began to settle down.  By now I knew I was hurt, I could feel me left hip moving freely out of its socket. My left collar bone was broken.  I could feel and hear the loose clicking of bone rubbing together.  My breathing was labored due to broken ribs and a collapsed lung.  Still I had felt like I would be checking out soon and this would all be over.  X-rays and CT scans provided both good and bad news.  The good news was that my head was ok, and I had not sustained serious internal injuries and I was stable.  The bad news: I was indeed broken up pretty badly along my left side, and would not to be checking out anytime soon, Surgery was scheduled for the next day.

My doctor informed me that I would not be able to walk for at least 12 weeks.  I would need a wheelchair and then, when my collar bone healed, a walker.  We all realized that I would not be able to go home when I was discharged.  I’d live with my parents, leaving Mimi at home with three small children, to carry on the daily routines.

On Christmas Eve 2008, I moved from Huntsville Hospital main, to the rehab hospital across the street.  Shortly after checking into my room, our associate Minister Coy Hallmark came with Christmas Eve communion.  Coy, my dad and I all took communion together in the hospital.

The ripples really began to reach far and wide throughout my hospital stay.  My dad, bother and Mimi all took turns staying with me, until I convinced them that I was fine and could stay by myself.  It was Christmastime and friends came out of the woodwork with meals, and offers to help the kids. The support network made all the difference for Mimi.  I was never alone for very long.  A steady stream of visitors kept me company and of course the nurses had to come take my vitals every 4 hours or so.  I had a small TV in my room and fell in love with the Game Show Network.  Gene Rayburn and Match Game provided plenty of laughs.

Finally, on January 5, 2009 I was discharged and moved to my parent’s house.  Their house was fairly accessible on the inside but needed a wheelchair ramp and as good fortune would have it a friend of my parents had built a beautiful wheel chair ramp for me.

Early in my recovery at home, deep sleep wasn’t really possible due to the pain and medication I was taking and since nature called every night I had to use a bed side jug.  Dad was chief pee jug emptier.

Not only did Dad empty my jug, but he was my primary chauffeur as well. For several months, three days a week, we’d load up and he’d take me to my physical therapy sessions where I was getting stronger and would soon learn to walk again. My mom or Mimi would come and get me.

Life at home for Mimi and the kids wasn’t close to normal, but countless friends came to the rescue and we didn’t have to prepare a meal for months!  As the ripples kept spreading, folks added to their already busy schedules preparing meals for us.

As my recovery progressed I was soon able to drive myself around.  I was still using a wheel chair because crutches aggravated an old back problem.  My zero weight restriction on my left leg was still in place, so I’d load the wheelchair in the back of my truck, and hop on my right leg to the driver’s door.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is something I never thought I’d deal with.  For a long while I couldn’t stop thinking about the crash.  I couldn’t drive by the ambulance bay at Huntsville Hospital without a mental video of the crash playing in my head.  I would avoid that area of town.  Once my recovery was over, and as I was trying to reestablish my life and routines, I soon found the memories of the accident begin to consume me.  Where the physical therapy and initial recuperation commanded a large part of my mental a physical capacity, I was now left with the memories of that night that would play over and over in my.  Next I was asking myself all sorts of questions.  What if I had been driving slower, faster?  What if we had had one more cup of coffee after dinner, or had left earlier, or later?  What if we had not taken the trip at all? Questioning every minute of that day and how one minor change could have prevented all of this.

A few sessions with an excellent therapist helped me immensely, and I learned the “drop the thought”.  Five years hence I can now talk about the event freely, and when I do think about it when I am alone, it’s brief, and soon gone from my mind.

Caroline and Layne were 7 and 5, respectivley.  They had just stopped sharing a bed at the time of the crash, and while I was with my parents they’d sleep with their Mama.  Caroline was asleep when the crash happened, in the back of the car.  It would be several years before she’d want to sleep alone.  She confided in Mimi that she knew her parents couldn’t protect her from everything, and to be asleep and to wake up from a head on collision was traumatic in more ways that we can ever really know. Grey was had not yet started talking.  He was a late developer.  He did however have toy cars, and he’d play with them and reenact the crash often.  Verbal sound affects and all.

I had moved back home in early March and Physical Therapy continued in to May.  Nearly 6 months.  I was on two feet again, bi-pedal as I like to call it. I used a cane for a few months and lost my limp.  Everything seemed to be back in line and right with the world.  But it really wasn’t. Life has never been like it was before crash.  We still talk about it.  The memory is as fresh and real as it if happened yesterday for me and my family. Driving has never been the same.  Every oncoming car is a potential threat now.

I think we all have mental time lines and use them to view our past.  We remember vacations, anniversaries, and first days of school, other key dates and milestones.  All those memories find themselves on that mental timeline.  Still, tragic events do as well. Deaths of loved ones, historic events like September 11th.  We view our personal history as pre-or post crash.  We look at pictures and can tell if they are pre or post crash.  Our family will never have another Christmas without thinking about the crash.

Looking back, it is astounding to think of all the disruptions that occurred in other people’s already busy lives.  It is equally humbling to know what others endured because of the crash. My parents gave up a trip to the Bahamas to care for me.  The kids celebrated part of Christmas at home without me and part of it with me at the Hospital.  So many good friends ran errands for Mimi, took the kids to school, to the park, and made us meals.  Through all of this, the real head scratcher, the one thing that makes you step back shaking your head is to know that none of this had to happen.  Every bit of this was preventable.  One innocent, inconsequential text message from a cell phone, sent from a nice young man in a brief lapse of judgment to his father, letting him know he was on his way home from church.  A message he had always sent from the parking lot, until that night, when he sent it as he drove down the highway.

A Friend Challenges Fix The Toaster

A friend of mine said he thought that Fix The Toaster needs to be honed in on. He doesn't get what it's about.

I respect this smart man's opinion greatly.

I paused, then said, I disagree.

I'm just trying to bring conversation to the fact that car crashes go largely accepted and that's un-acceptable considering 80% of car crashes are preventable.

I have read of a few women lately, who have lost thier husbands, one was struck while they were on a walk and another went to pick up her husband while he was biking only to be met by your worst nightmare, paramedics and your loved ones bike mangled up and your loved one, dead.

They both commented on how they are slowly coming to terms with finding their voices and becoming activists.

There is little law right now, against people who kill other people with their cars. It's quite insane actually.

It's quite insane that a few days ago a pale woman with short red hair rounded a left hand turn in her Prius all while looking at her iPhone in her left hand.

I think that this topic will become a trend, hopefully sooner rather then later.

Just in my own talking to people, I see their thoughts changing as I talk to them.

So for now, Fix The Toaster stays the same.

The name stays weird, foul language stays and just a broad overview of the insanity that is going on our roads.

What do you think about the name of the site?

Do you accept the high stats as acceptable?

National Walk/Bike To School Day, How Did It Go?

Did you walk or bike to school?

I saw some wonderful photos from communities that did.

Mine, sadly, did not but hoping to hear from those of you who did!

Share your pics, I'd love to see.

Ryan Gosling, You Busy?

I think that a massive shift has to happen to the American public in regards to the way we drive. Considering 80% of car crashes are preventable it's a shame the majority of us choose to speed, tailgate, be distracted, etc.

I know I'm a mom so I'm probably reaching an audience that is like minded.

How about some hot guy with appeal to young studs, young girls and housewives who drive too fast to their pilates class but secretly love, let's say, Ryan Gosling?

Or what about Brad Pitt?

He's into global issues and this is a global issue as well.

He's also a dad so I'm sure he's aware that the greatest risk his kids take is just driving around in a car, something we parents have to do every single day.

Or what about the ladies....I'm getting older and somewhat out of touch with who is young and hot but I live close to Hollywood so I'm pretty sure the young and hot thing hasn't stopped.

How about Zooey Deschanel?

Anybody, somebody, will someone with some cash and recognition please start publicaly shining the big light that you have the power to move unto the fact that car crashes are 80% avoidable yet we are not avoiding them.

Driving safe needs to be deemed cool and sexy.

Red Lights

A few days ago I watched someone just plow through a red light. Thankfully I always wait 3 seconds before entering after the light switches from red to green. The person was oblivious.

Watch this horrific crash after someone ran a red light. I never understand when people do it intentionally, gunning it. Where are they going?

http://youtu.be/WfjqMuR8oYo

Driven by Apathy

In my quest to think globally act locally I called my local Traffic Sheriff guy and mentioned that yet another parent stated they would not allow their children to walk home because people choose to drive too fast on the street, which goes in front of the school.

The Sheriff said he tickets a lot there but the parents refuse to slow down.

I emailed the PTA, I didn't hear back.

I heard from someone else that PTA doesn't want to deal with that.

So basically I'm left with looking like a radical nut who is, what, supposed to go stand on a corner with a please slow the hell down sign?

Once my show in Chicago ends I will hold a community meeting and try to gather some strength in numbers.

The Berry Children

You probably have heard about the Berry family.

Their crash and what was left is so horrific that it grabbed the national spotlight. I actually have never known how the crash happened until just this morning when I read that:

You may know their story. Josh and Robin Berry were driving through west Texas returning home from a family vacation in Colorado with their three children, Peter, Aaron and Willa, last July. A distracted driver swerved into their lane causing a collision that killed Josh and Robin. Their three children survived the accident, however, Peter and Aaron suffered spinal cord injuries leaving them paralyzed from the waist down.

A distracted driver killed a mom and dad and orphaned their three children, paralyzing the boys from the waist down.

Wow. I wonder what distracted that man, Michael Scott Doyle?

***I just got an answer, he was reaching into his backseat to retrieve a CD.

Someone reported to the Huffington Post that:

"It was late at night, and that stretch of highway is a horrible area where people have tragic accidents and fatalities," Deutsch told the Huffington Post. "It's a two-lane highway with no lights. It's very dangerous."

My next question is, has something been changed to make this stretch safer?  I do know that Texas recently made their highways the fastest in America with a portion of the highway at 85MPH. Hmmm.

This is a video of the boys talking about the crash. They plead with people to drive safe. How can we not listen?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDRCiysWNww]

Join Fix The Toaster for our First Twitter Party

Fix The Toaster will be having our first Twitter party this Thursday from 12-1PM to talk about, what else, car crashes.

Who wants to join that conversation?

Hopefully some of you will.

Use the hashtag #fixthetoaster

Looking forward to it.

Driving Distracted Awareness Month Ends Today

Today is the last day of Driving Distraction Awareness Month.

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of the death of my friend Polly Mae Tolonen.

DDAM barely made it on the radar of media. Pretty pathetic really considering car crashes are the number one cause of death to kids. Polly wasn't a kid when she died, she was 33, her 34th birthday was to be 13 days later.

Today I got my hair done. I have missed talking about hair since her passing. Because hair is trivial, silly and fun. Death is none of those things.

Months before he death we watched one of my husband's screeners. Polly and I watched "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" about a man, who come to think of it now, became paralyzed in his body due to a car crash.

We shuttered as we watched it.

Just last night I watched "The Impossible" with Naomi Watts. It's a horrifying film.

The reason I bring up the films is they both stand for two different kinds of ways we die. One is a completely unavoidable tragedy and the other is caused by our carelessness.  Death and tragedy are of course around every corner as are beauty and hope.

But I believe in my core that we need to do more to drive more safely. This is not something to just be accepted as we would a tsunami, unavoidable, uncontrollable. Because it is not.

And so I sport my somewhat dorky new Fix The Toaster t-shirt, got my hair done and had my son snap my photo, giggling because I think Polly would have enjoyed making fun of me for this venture.

But it has become a passion.

Polly was pursuing her passion, acting.

My Temple emailed me today and said that her name would be said at this Friday's Shabbat service. It's a Jewish custom called The Yahrzeit. Myself not being Jewish I've only learned of it since her death. So this will be the 4th year her sweet name echoes through Los Angeles and candle will be lit in her name. The candle can burn for up to 24 hours.

I just wish I was calling her or greeting her as she came over and could see my kids.

Anyways, drive safe everyone.

Laurie Hevier

Laurie Hevier lost her mother to a distracted, speeding driver.

I have been fortunate enough to meet her via social media.

Though I am focusing on my upcoming show right now I wanted to share this article about her that just went up.

A proper interview and post about Laurie to come post showtime.

Missing Your Exit Might Take 15 Extra Minutes

There is a difference between wanting to get over and needing to get over.

For example you are on the freeway going 80 MPH you realize the lane to should be in is two lanes over on the right and coming up, oh wait, you are missing it. You have a choice you can cross the line and get over or just wait and take the next exit and circle around.

One decision will tack on about 15 minutes to your life.

While the other decision compromises your life and others which could last an eternity.

Today I saw a person going 80 MPH switch over the line to exit, switch back over and switch over again.

I pulled up next to him at the red light. He was smacking his gum oblivious to the danger he just posed on others.

We all need to go a certain route to get to go to where we are going. But we need to make the safest decisions. Meaning even if it inconveniences us if we miss our exit don't jeopardize others take the time to take the next exit.

If you say, "Lady, I don't have 15 minutes to spare." Then perhaps you should not be driving. 

Lifesavers Convention

My weekend was pretty brutal.

Weekends with 3 kids, 2 who are still really young and being without any family are.

But that's another topic.

This morning I casually glanced at Twitter and was so excited to see influential moms tweeting about car crashes!

Turns out they were invited by Toyota to the Lifesavers Convention which hails itself as:

"The largest gathering of highway safety professionals in the U.S."

I mean, Fix The Toaster would have gone for sure. So next year!

Anyways, I was thrilled that women such as Allison Rhodes, Leila and Fadra Nally were tweeting  about the issue.

I hope this is the beginning of a trend! 

Articles That Make You Think About Distracted Driving

There have been quite a few really good articles about the dangers of distracted driving being that it is National Driving Distraction Awareness Month.

In this article from the Huffington Post parents let out of photo of the text their 22 year-old son, Alexander, was sending right before he killed himself while driving due to not paying attention.

In another article a father speaks about celebrating what would have been his daughter's 25th birthday. Casey Feldman was killed by a distracted driver.

I can only hope these articles are read by the millions of people who need to read it.

Hands Free Sign Spotted in Lake Forest, Illinois

A Fix The Toaster reader was in Chicago over the week and she emailed me this photo of signs she saw in the suburb of Lake Forest.

Thanks for the pictures!

Even though hands free is  dangerous at least they are putting up signs to encourage not touching their phones.

We Are a Guest Blogger for Mama's Health Today

Mama's Health is a great site that is dedicated to providing clear, simple, easy to understand information about health. They have a great project called the Precious Preemie Project in which people can make hats for preemies in the hospital.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/AXpg0lT4i7k]

I was lucky enough to meet the creators one sunny SoCal day. The lovely ladies of Mama's Health have bee so supportive of Fix The Toaster and they kindly let us write a guest blog for them today. Here it is!

Car Crashes Are The #1 Cause of Death To Kids Ages 1-12

Car crashes are the singular biggest event claiming the lives of our youth.

Car crashes are the #1 KILLER of American kids ages 1-12. 

We all go out while pregnant and make sure we invest in the best car seat, a lot of us go to the local firehouse and have them properly install it. Then we labor for hours, sometimes days and we finally drive our precious newborn home as safely as possible.

If only we always drove home like we do on that drive.

As a mother I of course am trying to encourage other mothers and fathers to help spread the word. Our children are dying in mostly preventable crashes. 

We need to slow down, get off our phones, not tailgate and drive with more care. 

Keeping our kids safe goes beyond the car seat. It frustrates me that the media focuses on freak accidents and we all start to live in fear of events we truly can not predict. But these car crashes, a lot, can be avoided.

Talk about tailgating and using your phone at the dinner table. It is important. 

Fix The Toaster T-Shirts & Bumper Stickers Coming Soon

Interested in promoting safer roads by promoting humans to drive better?

Fix The Toaster has some cute new t-shirts and bumper stickers headed our way soon.

Stay tuned.

Humans Are Mostly Good, Tailgating is Really Bad, So Why Are People Doing It?

Do you tailgate?

You shouldn't.

It's dangerous. Really, really dangerous. If the person in front of you isn't going fast enough pass them but better yet relax. 

Especially on the freeway when you are driving at high speed where injuries are a lot greater, due to speed. Can you imagine crashing at 65MPH or 80MPH? The thought horrifies me.

Women, on average, labor 18-24 HOURS with their first child. Your arriving 10 minutes faster to a destination or even 60 minutes faster is not worth compromising your life or someone else's.

If a true accident were to occur and the person in front of you had to quickly stop and you did not leave enough room and you hit them that would be a crash. 

You would seriously injure, perhaps kill someone and you could have avoided it.